Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
