She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i came on her dog
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
