Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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