hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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