Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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