He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
