I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
