I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
smell my finger.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
