Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
