Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
