The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
