the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
