you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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