I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
