Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
