Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
