Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
