The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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