i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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