i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
