I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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