oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
