There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
