I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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