I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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