There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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