I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
