You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
