You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
