Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
