I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
