Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
