It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
