girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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