I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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