My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
