I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
