bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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