i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
