I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
