In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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