i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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