Define "chronic" masturbator.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
