we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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