It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
