yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
