You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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