You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
