Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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