I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
