Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
