Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
