oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sober January is a disaster.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
